Discipline, Loyalty, Passion, and Humor
The summer's almost over. It's been a really interesting ride.
The three day stay up has been called off, on account of Adam being grounded. I'm not all that let down. I was looking forward to it, but not looking forward to losing three days of the remainder of my summer.
I went to Tahlequah last night with Ben, and that was fun. I'd go into detail about what we did, but we really didn't do anything other than hang out with friends.
I think tomorrow, I'm going to go see Collateral (again) with Adam. I want to see it again, and I want him to see it for the first time.
My Scrubs soundtrack came into Hastings today, and I'm going to go get it here in a little bit.
Part of me is really excited about the school year starting, but part of me is nervous. My depression has been an ocean of ups and downs this summer. I want to be able to go to school and keep my passion and my integrity about certain things, but I want to be able to just have fun. I want to be myself most of all. I'm afraid sometimes that I'm not good at that. I succumb to peer pressure too much.
I don't want to drink much at all this year. I want to focus on my studies. I want straight A's.
I want to find happiness in solitude. Not in lonliness, but I want to be happy around people, and even when I'm not with someone. I struggle with that. The desire to have a significant other, the desire to have a crutch. If I'm with someone, I want it to be because I'm crazy about that person, and not because I'm crazy without that person.
For the rest of the summer, I'm going to practice my swordplay for an hour every day, and read for an hour every day. I've been too lazy about the books that I have this summer, I have things that I really need to read. I want to get a little darker too. I think these two hours of the day will help a little bit. I really want to start running a little bit. Ben looks good. He's lost weight. I want to do that too.
I've found out this summer the people in my life that I really love. Regardless of the past, there are some people that I know legitimately care about me, and I them. Caitlin has made this summer amazing. Though I didn't see her much, Sheryl has been awesome too. Of course, Jeremy and Jenn were wonderful... though Jeremy's a punk sometimes, and can't pick up a movie ticket for me.. he means well.
And Susanne.. Well, I think she cares about me to the best of her ability. I've learned a lot about her this summer. Things that make me glad I'm not with her right now... but things that make me not hate her. I think we all grow up differently. It's just that we have to get to a point where we become our own person, and not blame our parents for the things we do.
But then again, who am I to think I have ANY insight to anything. I'm so far from perfect, and so far from 100% happy that it's not even funny. Though, I'm picking up pointers.
I'm ready for my next tattoos. They've been planned, and I've got the money. Soon.
Enjoy, Alex
The three day stay up has been called off, on account of Adam being grounded. I'm not all that let down. I was looking forward to it, but not looking forward to losing three days of the remainder of my summer.
I went to Tahlequah last night with Ben, and that was fun. I'd go into detail about what we did, but we really didn't do anything other than hang out with friends.
I think tomorrow, I'm going to go see Collateral (again) with Adam. I want to see it again, and I want him to see it for the first time.
My Scrubs soundtrack came into Hastings today, and I'm going to go get it here in a little bit.
Part of me is really excited about the school year starting, but part of me is nervous. My depression has been an ocean of ups and downs this summer. I want to be able to go to school and keep my passion and my integrity about certain things, but I want to be able to just have fun. I want to be myself most of all. I'm afraid sometimes that I'm not good at that. I succumb to peer pressure too much.
I don't want to drink much at all this year. I want to focus on my studies. I want straight A's.
I want to find happiness in solitude. Not in lonliness, but I want to be happy around people, and even when I'm not with someone. I struggle with that. The desire to have a significant other, the desire to have a crutch. If I'm with someone, I want it to be because I'm crazy about that person, and not because I'm crazy without that person.
For the rest of the summer, I'm going to practice my swordplay for an hour every day, and read for an hour every day. I've been too lazy about the books that I have this summer, I have things that I really need to read. I want to get a little darker too. I think these two hours of the day will help a little bit. I really want to start running a little bit. Ben looks good. He's lost weight. I want to do that too.
I've found out this summer the people in my life that I really love. Regardless of the past, there are some people that I know legitimately care about me, and I them. Caitlin has made this summer amazing. Though I didn't see her much, Sheryl has been awesome too. Of course, Jeremy and Jenn were wonderful... though Jeremy's a punk sometimes, and can't pick up a movie ticket for me.. he means well.
And Susanne.. Well, I think she cares about me to the best of her ability. I've learned a lot about her this summer. Things that make me glad I'm not with her right now... but things that make me not hate her. I think we all grow up differently. It's just that we have to get to a point where we become our own person, and not blame our parents for the things we do.
But then again, who am I to think I have ANY insight to anything. I'm so far from perfect, and so far from 100% happy that it's not even funny. Though, I'm picking up pointers.
I'm ready for my next tattoos. They've been planned, and I've got the money. Soon.
Enjoy, Alex
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